When my mom was alive she had tapes of me when I was 3 or 4 years old and I was acting like a preacher.  She told me that that is what I wanted to be when I was very young.   But, I know I have always had a very strong interest in history.  Part of that was from studying the bible.  As I got older, specifically in my teenage years, I was mature for my age and very preceptive - that awakening really disenchanted me with the Church.  Let me explain.

My mom (Mifa-that was her name) was Jewish, born a Jew.  My grandmother (Luba - her name) and my grandfather (Robert - but everyone called in Bob) went to Shul occasionally but they never were that religious.  My mother got disenchanted for a number of reasons with the Jewish Faith - the main reason I recall was that she was not allowed to participate unless she paid the tithe.  Well she started exploring Christian religions and when she met my father (Jim) his family was very religious (my dad wasn't)  As she grew closer to his family they successfully converted her.  She converted before I was born. 

Well we went to church my entire life but by the time I was about 15 years old I had serious doubts.  See, I always thought between my sister and I that I was the most religiously devout.  Yet, she was the one to be baptized.  I never did.  Internally I always tried to question myself as to why did she feel confident enough to go that step yet I never felt that confident.  By the time I started to drive, the last thing I wanted to do on my Sunday's was to go to church.  On top of all of these issues it was around this time that my parents marriage was ending.  (This in of itself is a LONG story). Suffice to say I stopped going to church.

Between the ages of 17/18-25 - I think I was an agnostic.  My sister says I was an Atheist, but I wasn't.  I never doubted that G-d existed, but I would say I was on the fence.  What changed me was my time at Cal Baptist.  I loved that school up until I got my Bachelors Degree.  It felt like the family I never had.  There was a closeness between the employees that was unlike everywhere I have worked (except here at Skyce because all of the management is of the same family!).  When I had to take day classes there I had to attend chapel, and though I didn't care for it, I didnt truly mind - as long as it did not affect my job duties.

Well by the time my lawsuit started I was, I guess searching and in 1998 I found Nova Roma (also another post).  From there I met other people who were very interested in Roman History.  From there I met a friend who went by the alias Lucius Sicinus Drusus.  He told me about Partners in Torah.  Because he knew I was becoming aware of my heritage in a greater way and that I was doing alot of studying on my own but he knew that some guidance would be an asset to me. 

He was right.  I really enjoyed my time with that organization.  This was while I was still living in Pasadena.  It was through them that I visited a Shul for my very first time and enjoyed a Sabbath.  I really really enjoyed it and still think about it.  Since I have moved I haven't really tried to join a Shul, I guess I feel somewhat intimidated.  But, it is something that I think I will enjoy doing because I felt ...I felt home.  I can't explain it.  But, I really liked the feeling once I got over my embarrassment for not being able to speak Hebrew or understand all to the davening. 

I hope that my trip to Israel will ignite similar feelings within my mind and soul and that I will feel like I am home when I am there. 

Anyway, that is my journey. 

Posted by: Robert Woolwine at 08:20 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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