Yeah I know another personal post! LOL

Last week it was about my father, this time I am going to try to equalize it with my mother. 

The problem one has when one has a parent who for lack of a better word, sucks, is that the other parent tends to be lifted into a pedastel.  My sister is going through that now - in reflecting our lives, childhood and parents.  I, for whatever reason, have been able to be more detached.  This is one of the reasons I have been blogging my personal life on here.  It's sort of therapy. LOL

I guess since this is going to be a couple of posts long I should start with the last time I saw her, and then just start going backwards so to speak.

I was there when she died.  My mom had been suffering from diabetes for almost 20 years.  About half of that time she was able to control it via meds but about the time I was going to college she had to get on insulin.  As the years went by the diabetes ravaged her body and I was there to witness it first hand.  My sister moved out of the house when she was 17/18 years old.  I went to college and stayed at home throughout my college tenure.  I worked all throughout that time, but I just found it easier to stay at home while I worked and did college.  Also, a part of me knew that the family needed me there, so while I was attending college I helped the family.  Keep in mind, that during this time I was not perfect.  I complained and argued at times when it came to doing multiple errands, going back and forth to the doctors/pharmacies, and I really did not want to know how to give my mother her insulin shots.  But, I did it all.  And, when I look back I wish I did not complain as much as I did. 

Anyway, mom's health started suffering around the time I turned 25 years old.  She was taking insulin shots twice a day plus taking meds and she started suffering complications in her extremities (primarily her feet).  I remember her telling me and my sister that she did not want to live if she had to lose part of her body and we told her that we would do everything we can to help her. 

While all of this is going on, I was in the middle of my lawsuit with California Baptist College/University and I was working on my MBA all at the same time. 

By the time my MBA and lawsuit were ending I started looking for a "real" full time job, and found it at EarthLink.  I ended up moving to Pasadena/Temple City and when I left I was so burned out that I just wanted to start my life.  I had close friends who helped me find a place. The end result was my contact with the family diminished at the worst possible time because my mom's health was suffering worse....and I did not have the most reliable car to get there (1959 Chevy Biscayne), and Greta (My ex-fiancee) did NOT get along with my family at all.  The end result was that I was walking a high wire trying to balance everything, yet I did nothing right! 

After David (my sister's husband) died (July 2001) I started getting a bit  closer to my family, but her health was seriously failing at that point.  She would be in an out of the hospital, always bouncing back but each stay was getting longer and more painful for her.  I remember her needing to have a catheter installed so that meds could be directly put into her blood stream and a nurse would visit her at home every day.  I remember being home for the weekend watching music videos with her and my best friend and former business partner Johnathan would stop by and crack jokes making her laugh and her chatting on the computer all the while having to make sure she didn't miss her medication times. 

Before Halloween 2001, my grandma called me and told me that mom was back in the hospital and I remember at the time that I did not think much of it.  She had been in the hospital so many times before that, I thought that she would recover again.  I was wrong.  By Halloween, I heard my sister was flying in from Arizona, I knew it was serious.  I drove from Pasadena to Riverside.  I saw her that first day and she seemed fine, but was having a hard time breathing, but she was talking and responding fine.  I actually made plans to go back home. But, the next day she took a complete 180 degree turn to the worse and they stuck her on a breathing machine.  She specifically told my sister and I it was the one thing she did not want to have done, but since my sister wasn't there the hospital had to do it!  On Nov. 1st, my sister got to Riverside, and she told the doctors that it had to come off.  My uncle, G-d Love him, fought us on it.  I stood by my sister's side 100% because I knew what my mom wanted.  We made an agreement with my grandma and uncle, since the breathing machine was already on, we would leave it on for 2 days, if she started getting better wonderful, but if not, we would follow mom's wishes and remove it.  They reluctantly agreed. 

On Nov. 4th, my sister and I were at the hospital and my sister had to sign the order to remove the life support.  My sister had her close friend with her...and when my sister signed the document I stayed there with mom, holding her hand as they removed the machine and tubes.  My sister had to go outside and throw up.  We were told that when the machine was removed that either they recover and things are fine or that death would come and the time frame they gave was on average a day or two.  We were of the mindset that mom would probably be around for a day....maybe a little less.  We were wrong. 

The life support helps one breath, basically.  It helps your body to function at somewhat of a normal level.  But you cannot talk.  The doctors say if one is on it for more than 3 days there is about a 90% chance that one will get pneumonia.  Basically its a short term fix and nothing more.  In my mom's case, they were pumping her lots of antibiotics to try to stem the infections, balance her blood sugar and to give her a fighting chance to recover.  It just did not work, her body was tired, she was tired, she wanted to go.  When they removed the life support I was there observing everything, even as I type this I am remembering the smells, the experience as if I was there right now.  I remember her grasping my hand a bit tighter as they removed the tubes....I remember instantly the drop in her oxygen level once the machine was off.  I knew, I knew, I knew she wasn't going to last a day.  I remember her trying to sit up and get a bit more comfortable.  I remember her being able to whisper that she could not feel her feet.  I remember her starting to fade into unconsciousness.  I remember being in tears the entire time.  I told the nurses to get my sister fast!  Within 10 min, it was over.  My mom went flat line, my mom stopped moving and her grip on my hand weakened.  Within 10 min my sister was back in the room and I told her it was too late that she missed her. This was the second time I told my sister that someone died and I was dying inside.  My sister let out a scream that I have never heard before and for a few seconds my mom came back, her heart rate showed up and she sighed and then she passed away, it was no longer than 10 seconds in length.  But, it was enough time for my sister to see that mom was still there and gave a response to my sister.   I never left my mom's side.

Posted by: Robert Woolwine at 09:17 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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